The Choices of a Mom

It is already August, and I count almost 2 months since I finished my externship at Ten01. Since then, I've applied for several pastry kitchen positions, getting a couple of call backs but nothing that has manifested into anything. It seems like Portland is turning out a lot more culinary graduates then there are positions available. Initially, this didn't really bother me. I was excited to be home with Ryker again, (I feel like caring for him is my first calling), and to be out of the craziness of the workplace. I have been spending some of the most beautiful days Portland has to offer roaming the streets of the city with my little man, taking in the sites, farmer's markets and playgrounds. Heaven! This could go on forever, as far as I'm concerned.

Then, reality set in and the fact that we could really use my help, financially, could no longer be ignored. So what did I do? I fell back on the one skill I seem to always fall back on when I'm in a crunch for employment... cake decorating. Once again, you can find me in the bakery playing with cake and frosting, and piping my day away. I suppose this is an acceptable vocation... it pays well, it offers a flexible schedule and I do enjoy it. till, I can't seem to shake a certain feeling... like maybe I've sold out. I worked really hard in culinary school & thought I had found my calling in the restaurant biz. So why am I spinning a turn table again? I think I need to take some time to look at what I'm really trying to get out of life. I know I chose to decorate again because it was something I'm comfortable with and it allows me to stay home with Ryker. These desires seem to over shadow my desire to get into the pastry industry right now. My question for myself is- am I ok with that? Do I mind putting that desire on the back burner while I pursue other goals (ie. being a stay at home mom)? It's a tough call, and you can bet my natural tendency towards guilt of under achieving is kicking in big time!