Just a little off the top!

My little man experienced another major milestone in his quick paced life... he got his first haircut! I know, I know, he had adorable curls... but he was starting to look like a California beach bum, with his flip flops and shorts, so a cleaner, shorter cut was due. Luckily, we had 2 years pictures taken a couple days prior, so we have memories of the curly top.


We went to Little Clippers, where they specialize in giving squirmy little monsters haircuts. Perfect for Ryker. He got to sit in a Lighting McQueen car, watch Finding Nemo and eat a lollipop... heck, I wanted to get a haircut! Look at him now... he's so clean cut and grown up looking. Where does the time go?

Something Borrowed, Something Blue...

A woman gets one day to wear the most beautiful dress she will ever own, and it passes in a blur of pictures, cake and toasts. The dress then gets sealed in a plastic bag and only admired from then on. It's a shame, I tell you... But I was a lucky girl this weekend!

I was blessed to be a part of the Rose City Bridal Show at the Portland Convention Center. I got to model the the most gorgeous gown from Bella Victoria Boutique. It fit like a glove and made me feel like a beautiful bride again. What a wonderful opportunity. And not only was the experience fantastic, but I met some of the kindest, most beautiful women I have ever seen... it was strange being amongst them. We were together only 2 days (8 hours a day) but some instant friendships were created. Maybe it was the magic of marriage in the air? The feeling of love and excitement from the soon to be newlyweds... but the atmosphere was lively, uplifting and full of happiness.

It took me back to my wedding day... the day I got to marry my best friend of 8 years. Our story may be slightly complicated and a bit non-traditional, but for us, it is perfect. Perfect because it ended with us at the alter, reciting our vows. This experience allowed me to reflect on just how blessed I am to be a married woman... to have the love and support of a wonderful husband and the unconditional love of my son. Without which, I wouldn't be able to come close to the woman I am today. What a lovely day.

Rachel and her assistant: Bella Victoria Boutiques

Shasta 2010

8 hour drive + 4 days on a houseboat + 2 years old = absolute madness

This is the only way I saw this equation working out, but I am happy to report that I was completely wrong. This year, my family was able to revive our cherished tradition of sending out the summer- we rented a houseboat on Lake Shasta and spent the week together. Yes, all of us t-o-g-e-t-h-e-r. 7 adults and a 2 year old. We waterskiied, innertubbed, kneeboarded and attempted to wakeboard. We lounged in the sun, went on boat rides and 'swam' with Ryker in the hot tub. Never has an unplanned week passed so quickly. I am use to being on the go all the time, so this break was just what was needed. Some quailty time with my family and wonderful new memories with my son.

Ryker did amazing. He rode in the car like a trooper, chatting away with his Tigger and Pooh Bear puppets and sleeping. He adored the houseboat, being on the water and going on shore to throw rocks into the lake. He entertained us all with his silly dances and crazy word combinations (he's experimenting with sentences). All in all, we were blessed with an enjoyable experience. On the way home, Grammie and Grampy decided Ryker needed to stop at the WildLife Safari in Winston, OR to see all the animals. He loved it!

I am very thankful for 2 things:

1) I have a family that enjoys hanging out with each other. A family that enjoys spending quality time together. What a blessing! I'm not saying there weren't a few bumps along the way, but we came out still loving each other...

2) We have the means to be able to go on vacations together. The financial situation of our economy is so uncertain, and it is weighing heavily on families. I am thankful that my family members have jobs and are willing to prioritize our finances so that we can escape from time to time to focus on our family. This is something I hope I never take for granted.

Biggest Blessings come in Small Packages

Ryker comforting Daddy at Grandma Eve's grave.

One of the most amazing blessings my husband and I have been given is our son, Ryker. Born September 22, 2008, this almost 2 year old has re-opened our eyes to the beauty of the world and the simple pleasure of life. His unconditional love and adoration for us make us want to be better people, so he will have the best examples to grow up with. I think God sends us children to remind us that there are more important things in life then career, money and material success... "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

My Positive Pink Piggy

I brought a new friend home with me today... I've been eyeballing her in the store for months now but didn't have the confidence to walk right up, introduce myself and invite her home. 'Why should I be so confident?', I thought. 'You'll just be setting yourself up for disappointment.' So I left her on the shelf, day after day, telling myself I didn't deserve her.

But today is the day! Today I decided to STOP listening to that self-saboteur living in my head, marched right over to the shelf and picked up my newest friend... my "Nationals" piggy bank! That's right, this darling little pink piggy bank is my first step in believing in my goal of being crowned Mrs Oregon 2011. Lenny and I have agreed that each pay period we will invest in this goal by feeding my pink piggy a predetermined amount of money. I still slightly shudder at the thought of planning that far ahead for something that is definitely not a sure thing, but after a long talk with myself, I have to admit that it's a positive thing to do.

I recently read a short entry entitled "You Will Become What You Believe You Are", by Delton Doucet and a quote stood up off of the page. It said "If you ever do anything yourself and nothing else, please allow yourself to believe in you." Ouch... I will be the first to say that I DO NOT like to believe in myself. Not that I don't think I am capable of great things... I just find there to be a very fine line between confidence and arrogance, and I am terrified to cross over to the dark side. Entitlement and cockiness do not look good on anyone, no matter how wonderful they are at something. So, to make sure I never reach the danger zone, I have become my harshest critic. Nothing I can do will ever be good enough for... well, myself. Just listen to me talk about my cake creations and you'll get the picture real quick! So, when it came to thinking about saving money for the possibility that I will be attending the Mrs America 2011 pageant in April, I dutifully made out a list of reasons I would NOT be attending the pageant, and accompanied it with a lecture on the naughtiness of such over-confidence. It was as though the simple idea of preparing for the future meant I assumed I'd be crowned Mrs Oregon. That is something I would never do, therefore having the piggy bank was ridiculous as well.

Believe it or not, I'm sort of getting tired of my position as head critic. It's exhausting to spend so much time finding all things wrong with myself. But can I undo all this training? This piggy bank is the first step. I am going to believe in myself and my abilities. I am going to allow myself to give 100% in the pursuit of this goal and spend more time thinking about how to succeed instead of how I will fail. I will chant 'See the crown, want the crown, be the crown...' OK, I will NOT do that. :) But I will tell myself that I can accomplish what I put my mind to. I may not win, but I will perform to the best of my abilities and leave no room for regret. And my hubby put it so concisely - "We will need the money if you win, but we will need the money for something else if you don't... so what is the harm in saving money?" Leave it to a man to see things so logically. My piggy bank will be useful no matter what... but right now, it's helping me focus on positive thoughts. That is one powerful pink piggy!

All American Girl Pageant Weekend

If the thought of spending a 4 day weekend with some of the most adorable little ladies and some of the most outstanding young women makes you want to throw on pink and party, then this post is for you! I was fortunate enough to be the Head Judge for the National All American Girl Pageant held right here in my hometown, Portland, Oregon. Tracy and Lisa, the Directors of this fast-growing pageant, invited me to represent my title as Mrs Portland and to be a part of this great event. I moved into the Holiday Inn Hotel by the airport on Thursday, August 12th and settled in for what was bound to be an enlightening weekend. Little did I know...

The All American Girl Pageant is an all natural pageant for girls ages 0 - 21. They promote family friendly pageantry and the all natural idea of beauty. These 2 ideas are what really drew me to participate in this event. If you've ever watched "Toddlers and Tiaras" (admit it, you have), you have seen just how insane pageants for young children can get. Little girls all dressed up to look like mini adults, fake eyelashes and all. That is the style of pageants I try to steer clear of. If you choose to become a contestant with the AAG Pageant, girls under 10 cannot wear any makeup and older girls are allowed only a little. Nothing false is allowed and clothes need to be realistic for the age group, in appearance and price.

I left for the hotel slightly apprehensive... my pageant experience is minimal at best, and I've only been on the contestant side of things. Was I really qualified to judge? I wasn't going to get much time to warm up to the idea of being a judge either, because things were set to roll as soon as we arrived. Interviews on Thursday afternoon, banquet in the evening. With a little help and support from my own pageant director, Libby, I walked into the interview and claimed my table, armed with my little notebook stocked with "thought provoking" questions I was sure would make me appear to be a serious judge. Then, the first contestants toddled in... seriously, toddled. 0-2 years old, the Baby Miss division stopped by each of our tables so we could ooohhh and aaahhh at them, then they all played together so we could see how they interacted with others. I was smitten! They were just so darn cute! And the girls got cuter and more charming as the ages went up. At one point, I found myself involved in what felt like an adult conversation with a 5 year old! My questions went out the window and I just chatted it up with the girls all afternoon. At dinner that night, I got to socialize a little more and meet some parents.

Friday was casual wear and personal introduction day. Each girl dressed in their casual wear of choice and came out to present themselves. They each had a little intro that told us about their state, their interests and their goals. It was great to see the amazing stage presence of all these ladies. Saturday was party wear, so imagine lots of poofy dresses. Both evenings held parties for the contestants, families and staff to enjoy, with themes like "Red, White and Blue" and "The Pink Party". We danced, did the limbo, hula hooped... and ate enough sugar to require an entire mouth of fillings... I had such a good time!

Then came Sunday... dreaded Sunday. All games aside, it was time. Finals were in the afternoon and Vickie, Stacy and I had to make our decisions. As head judge, I spent the entire morning organizing head shots, writing out different lists of awards, double checking all our work. We wanted to head into finals with a good idea of what we needed to see to make all our final decisions. The girls gave it their best one more time and we were wowed... as we headed up to the suite to finish making all our choices, we jokingly threatened not to come back because we didn't want to be forced to make a decision. Up until then, we had really been enjoying ourselves, but we were all nervously eating chips and avoiding all eye contact. The awards were announced, the winners were crowned and the night came to an end. As we surveyed the stage, we silently nodded at each other, knowing we had made good choices and that we didn't regret the outcome. That's a good thing, right?

It was definitely a VERY emotional weekend, but I would say that all the good times outweighed the tears that were spilled at the end (both by the contestants AND judges). It was such a self-esteem building experience for the girls, who made a ton of new friends and, more importantly, made some outstanding memories with their families. And for me... well, I don't know how judges can do this. I enjoyed meeting the girls and watching them shine, but I saw first hand the hard lesson that only one person can win at the end of the day, and you have to be willing to reach over and offer a hug of congratulations to your friend as she receives the crown you had wanted so badly. I hope that as I near the day I will, once again, be back on the contestant side of this lesson, I will remember how important it is for me to support and uplift my fellow pageant sisters... and I hope that if I am not crowned the next Mrs Oregon, I will be gracious, understanding and ready to celebrate my new friend's success. Looks like humility is yet another quality offered through pageantry.

The Choices of a Mom

It is already August, and I count almost 2 months since I finished my externship at Ten01. Since then, I've applied for several pastry kitchen positions, getting a couple of call backs but nothing that has manifested into anything. It seems like Portland is turning out a lot more culinary graduates then there are positions available. Initially, this didn't really bother me. I was excited to be home with Ryker again, (I feel like caring for him is my first calling), and to be out of the craziness of the workplace. I have been spending some of the most beautiful days Portland has to offer roaming the streets of the city with my little man, taking in the sites, farmer's markets and playgrounds. Heaven! This could go on forever, as far as I'm concerned.

Then, reality set in and the fact that we could really use my help, financially, could no longer be ignored. So what did I do? I fell back on the one skill I seem to always fall back on when I'm in a crunch for employment... cake decorating. Once again, you can find me in the bakery playing with cake and frosting, and piping my day away. I suppose this is an acceptable vocation... it pays well, it offers a flexible schedule and I do enjoy it. till, I can't seem to shake a certain feeling... like maybe I've sold out. I worked really hard in culinary school & thought I had found my calling in the restaurant biz. So why am I spinning a turn table again? I think I need to take some time to look at what I'm really trying to get out of life. I know I chose to decorate again because it was something I'm comfortable with and it allows me to stay home with Ryker. These desires seem to over shadow my desire to get into the pastry industry right now. My question for myself is- am I ok with that? Do I mind putting that desire on the back burner while I pursue other goals (ie. being a stay at home mom)? It's a tough call, and you can bet my natural tendency towards guilt of under achieving is kicking in big time!